peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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