Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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