TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
