I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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