Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
