theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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