How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
