Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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