you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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