If i could tip my vagina, i would.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
