the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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