I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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