so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
