I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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