I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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