So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
