I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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