he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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