she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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