first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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