Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
