I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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