This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
