I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
