its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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