For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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