So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
