Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
