He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
