No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
