Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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