I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
