guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you made out with another girl for some wings
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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