my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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