Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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