He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
