Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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