Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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