She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
