since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
