someone threw a dead crab at me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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