she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
