Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
