The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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