I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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