Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just had sex on a roof
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
