I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
