you didnt know i had herpes?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
