we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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