So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he thought i was a dude.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
