Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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