It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
