you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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