saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How naked do you want me to be?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize