Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
