How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He? As in you personified your dick?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
