I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
