I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
