Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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