I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
