What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
