I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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