he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
