i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
