How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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