His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
