Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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