her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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