I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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