She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i've created a new STD.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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