Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
