I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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