Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
