I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
