I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
