I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
