i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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