i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
