He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
