He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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