I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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