oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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