How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
