Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
