A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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