he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize