i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
